Digging Holes
by OnHerToes
Summary: A Candor boy struggles to hide his Divergence from the truth serum, while trying to protect his mother. This fanficiton was very loosely inspired by "Bohemian Rhapsody". I do not own Copyright to Divergent and all that. I also will not follow the Candor initiation that Christina describes in the book, but this way suits my plotline.
1. Chapter 1: Faction Before Blood

I stand in line, shaking. I'm not cut out for Dauntless.

Then again, I didn't get an aptitude for that.

I should go for the safe option, like the Abnegation woman said. The Abnegation woman who gave me my aptitude results. She said that there were safe points about choosing either Candor or Abnegation, but that Abnegation is safer in general. In Abnegation, they would assume the best of me. There would be no way for me to draw attention to myself, and Abnegation people would protect me. In Candor, it would be assumed that whatever I said was the truth. Being in Candor has always been fine for me in the past; I've never had any secrets so I've never had any problems. It would only be a problem during the initiation when I was on truth serum because then I would have to tell the truth.

But if Divergent people can resist simulations and serums, then what difference would that make?

"Emra Veritine," my name is called out by one of the Abnegation leaders, Mr Eaton. It makes me jump.

I step forward nervously.

She also told me that if I was thinking about choosing Candor, then I should collect lies. Not little lies or white lies. Anything big would do. I don't know where to start. A lifetime of telling the truth isn't going to be very easy to make lies out of.

I am handed the knife. I stick the tip of the knife into the tip of my finger and wince. I'm definitely not cut out for Dauntless.

I look at the things I could choose to drop my blood onto. Soil, water, glass, flame and stone. I would love to be the first person to choose Erudite; just to see my blood sink gracefully into the water. You don't get that effect with any of the other substances. But I am not smart enough for Erudite, and even if I was the water is already murky with others' blood. Plus I am not making my decision based on which bowl would be the nicest to watch my blood splatter into.

Before yesterday, I would not have considered any faction other than Candor. But now that I have been told I have an aptitude for both Candor and Abnegation and that I should guard this secret like I guard my life, I am not so sure.

Amity would be nice. Everyone is always happy there. I consider it for a second. Then I decide to do what I'm expected to do; the least suspicious option. For now, anyway.

I watch as a single drop of blood from the tiny spot I cut drips onto the glass.

I go to stand with my friends and classmates.

"Why did you take so long?" my best friend, Frank, hisses.

"I was considering transferring," I whisper back, truthfully. I could have lied: "No one questions your candor here in Candor!" as the classroom posters always boast.

"Good thing you didn't, I'd have killed you."

Yeah. Good thing. Let the lying begin.

And after Frank's choice of words, I have thought of the perfect lie that will kill two birds with one stone.

**Author's Note: I've decided that since I finished uploading my Rue fanfiction I'd start posting this Divergent one. I hope you enjoy it! :D**


	2. Chapter 2: Fight the Bad Dreams Off

**Fight the Bad Dreams Off If They Come to Get You**

"_Help me, Emra," my mother says. "Help me hide it."_

_I shake my head, unable to speak._

"_I can't do this alone. Help me."  
I shake my head again._

_She hits the gun across my cheek. I put my hand to it and feel a trickle of warm blood._

"_No," I whisper._

_Her eyes narrow. "What did you say?"_

"_I said, no!" I repeat._

_I don't know how I got outside but now I'm running down the street. It's dark and I don't know where I'm going, but she is following me. I can't stop running. I don't know what to do._

I wake up sweating and breathing heavily. I look at my watch; it says that it is twenty seven minutes past five.

I take a few minutes to calm myself down. Every night since it happened, I dream a variation of the same chain of events. Sometimes I dream what actually happened, but usually, like this one, it is twisted by my terrified mind. My mother had been kinder than that. She had been scared, and she only tried to drag me into it because of her fear. She would never have hit me.

After I have convinced myself that I am safe, I get up. I can never get to sleep again after my nightmares. Generally I keep a flashlight and book under my pillow to keep myself occupied for a few hours, but we are staying in dorms for the initiation so I have neither. I consider going through the Erudite transfer's things to see if he smuggled a book with him, but decide against it.

I go into the bathroom and splash cold water onto my face. I look in the mirror. Do I look Candor? My hair is black and my skin is white, but going with the Candor colour scheme isn't really enough to prove I belong here. I look more tired than truthful; I wish there was a faction for that.

I go back to my bed. We are all in bunk beds; Frank is in the bunk above me. He has stayed over at my house before, and he knows that I get nightmares. He asked to go on top so I wouldn't wake him up. I'm glad that I don't live among the Dauntless; they wouldn't be as nice about it as he is.

I lie in bed with my eyes open, thinking of what to lie about during the initiation. The theory the Abnegation woman had is that if I make up a lie big enough, it will override the serum and I won't have to lie about my Divergence. Most people have forgotten about the "thing" and I don't really want to draw attention to it again, but I can't think of any lie as strong as that to hide my Divergence. If I do think of something else, I'll do that instead.

I consider saying I'm a girl. That could almost work, if the people here didn't know me. I could probably pass as a girl except that everyone here know I am a boy thanks to the ridiculous communal showers at school.

I guess I'll see what other people say. Maybe I can copy someone else.

"You alright?" Frank's head hangs down from his bunk. He does not wake up as early as me, but he is a pretty early riser.

I assess the situation and nod. I am at the moment.

"How bad this time?" He doesn't know the nature of the dreams, only that I have them.

"I've had worse," I reply.

"Ready for the first day of initiation?" he asks.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

Which is, of course, not ready at all.

**Author's Note: I hope you're enjoying this fanfiction so far! I'm mostly using original characters but I like the Divergent world.**

**By the way, the chapter names are all quotes from the trilogy.**


	3. Chapter 3: You Chose Us

**Chapter 3: You Chose Us. Now We Choose You.**

We are in a large hall with a stage. All of the initiates are sitting on chairs at the back, there are lots of Candor adults of different jobs and classes sitting in front of us to observe.

Our faction's representative, Jack Kang, is standing on the stage. He speaks.

"Welcome to the Candor Initiation. The initiation will last for four days. On the first day, today, half of you will be injected with truth serum. There is not enough time for all of you to do this today, so those of you who do not have the truth serum today will have it on the third day. Tomorrow and the last day of initiation will be used to practice debating. Transfer initiates will not be used to debating, but we take this into account. Presentations are on the fourth day."

All of us that lived in Candor before had already been told all this. We have had a few weeks to get used to the idea of initiation. I wonder how truth serum will feel; they rarely use it except in initiation and in trials and court cases.

We start quickly. When each initiate is on stage, Jack Kang asks them if they have anything that they have been hiding or if there is anything they don't want people to know. Some answers are embarrassing; others make their speaker get slapped by a friend or relative when they come off stage.

A lot of the people who already lived in Candor, like my close classmate Clarity, say, "I have nothing to hide." Clarity is a perfect Candor student: honesty is pretty much the only thing she cares about in people. It's good most of the time, but it can get annoying.

Others, like Frank, say things along the lines of, "I was the one who put the bucket of water above the door of the staffroom when we were in seventh grade."

It doesn't matter that he was dishonest about it before; he is honest now. Also, it is such a small thing that happened so long ago that it does not require investigation. Maybe I should just try copying what Clarity said. It's a big enough lie.

Sarah, a small girl who I vaguely recognise from school, steps on stage and, when asked, says, "I've had a crush on Alex since I was seven." Then she adds quietly, "Alexandra-Alex, not Alexander-Alex."  
The adults clap like they have for every other initiate. They couldn't care less about her embarrassment: she's been honest. Alex meets her at the bottom of the steps. She looks fine with it. I decide that if I can't say I have nothing to hide, then I'll say that instead.

Several more people go on stage and say their piece. Most of the transfers have something to say, and most of the Candors are already honest.

A beautiful girl goes onto the stage. It's Rose: a girl that all the Candor boys our age have chased after for years. She announces confidently that she lost her virginity when she was twelve.

"Slut," mutters Clarity.

"That's cruel, Clarity. You don't know her story," I defend her, but I am doubtful.

She rolls her eyes.

"We're Candor. We're supposed to speak our mind," she points out. "They just called your name," she adds. "You should've been listening."

I hop up and go to the front of the room. Jack Kang injects the truth serum into my arm. It stings a little at first and I wince. It is very cold, so I can feel it at first as it enters my bloodstream.  
I climb up the steps onto the stage.

"Do you have anything that you would rather not tell people?" Jack Kanga asks.

I fight the serum and attempt to say "no".

"Yes," I say. It didn't work. Time for Plan B. I pray this works. "I… I'm gay," I manage to say it brightly.  
The audience claps again.

I walk down the steps on the left side of the stage as another initiate is given serum on the opposite side of the stage.

Frank and Clarity are there to meet me. Frank looks uncomfortable.

"Um," he says.

"Um," I agree.

Clarity pats my shoulder.

"It's fine. We don't mind that you were dishonest before."  
Frank is not as calm as Clarity. I have a feeling that he is on a different track from her.

"You haven't… ever… liked _me_, have you?" he asks nervously.

I really hope things aren't going to be awkward. Especially since it wasn't even the truth. I never put him in a category as someone that would be homophobic, though.

"Of course not!" I say quickly. Then I feel guilty. "I mean, I always just thought of you as a friend."

I have made things awkward.

At least I'm safe in the short-term. I don't think I can fake my way through life like this.


	4. Chapter 4: I Stand on my Tiptoes

**Chapter 4: I Stand on my Tiptoes and Press my Lips to His**

We watch the confessions of the Candor initiates throughout the day, pausing briefly only for lunch. It gets a little repetitive and tiresome after a while, and I begin to envy the adults who may come and go as they please.

Later on, Clarity and Frank head back to our dorms.

"I'm just going to see if I can talk to my mom," I tell them.

Clarity nods. Frank shrugs and leaves. He's been acting really weird since my confession. It makes me a little sad.

I try to find an exit to the building, but an official finds me and tells me that all initiates are supposed to stay in their dorms. He takes me by the shoulder and walks me down the hall until the door to the dormitory is in sight, then goes back to his post.

I can see Rose sitting on the ground hugging her knees on the right of the corridor, by the entrance to the girls' room. I don't really want to get involved with whatever she's doing, so I don't say anything. I walk on the left hand side so I can attempt to slip to my dormitory without her noticing.

But she does notice. When Rose sees me, she jumps up and runs towards me.

She throws her arms around me neck and presses her lips to mine passionately. It's oddly pleasant, and she takes me by surprise, so I kiss her back. I put my hand on her waist to stop me from falling over. When I was five, every boy wanted to kiss her. Me included. Most of us outgrew her looks when we realised how bad her personality was, but a part of me still has those five-year-old feelings.

After a little more than seven and a half seconds, she stops.

Rose leans forward again and whispers softly in my ear, "You sure you're gay?"

Then, ignoring how gobsmacked I am, she skips away. To bed, presumably. She literally skips; not just a slight spring in her step, proper skipping. It's unusual, but then again so is she.

But now she knows I was lying. Does she realise I'm Divergent? Maybe she'll tell someone. I don't know what will happen then. Was this even real, or did I imagine it? I can't tell anymore.


	5. Chapter 5:Every Candor Enjoys a Debate

**Chapter 5: Every Candor Enjoys a Lively Debate**

"_Why did you buy a gun, Emra?" she asks._

_I look my mother in the eye._

"_I already told you. The Dauntless are all armed. I want to feel safe. I don't want to get shot, like father was."  
She shakes her head._

"_Why now? That was years ago. And because he got into a stupid argument. That won't happen to you. You're not like that."_

_I shift in my chair uncomfortably. I hadn't expected her to grill me like this over dinner. I hadn't planned to tell her everything. She didn't have to know. But in Candor, people can almost always tell if you're not telling the whole truth._

"_Two Dauntless pre-initiates attacked me and Frank on our way home. We didn't do anything, they just jumped us."  
"Are you hurt?" she asks, anxiously._

_I shake my head. It's a white lie. She doesn't have to see the bruise on my shoulder; it doesn't hurt that much, anyway._

_My mother stands up and picks up the pistol from the table. She puts it in the top drawer of the big cabinet by the door to the kitchen. She turns the key and locks it in._

"_Even if people attack you, I don't you carrying around weapons. Leave that to the Dauntless," she says._

"_How do I know you won't use it since you can open the drawer?" I joke._

_She smiles. "I swear as a Candor that I won't."_

I wake up suddenly. It takes me a few seconds to be brought back to reality because that dream was exactly as what actually happened. It seems a little ironic now. That's the only time in her life she lied.

I remember how hard it was to get the gun; you have to be over eighteen to buy one, unless you are Dauntless. The Dauntless can buy a gun aged thirteen. I had to pass myself off as Dauntless to get it. I have a lot of black clothes since we wear black and white, but it was difficult finding any garment that didn't have white on it somewhere. I eventually turned a shirt inside out so it appeared completely black. I still didn't look Dauntless and I know the man at the store was suspicious, but he sold me the gun anyway.

Frank sticks his head down over his bunk as he did yesterday morning.

"Did you just wake up?"  
I nod.

"I actually woke up earlier than you for once!" he exclaims. "Are your dreams gone then?"

I shake my head. "This one wasn't very bad. I'll probably have a horrible one tomorrow, that's how it normally works."  
"Oh," he says. "I'm still getting used to this," he adds.

It takes me a moment to realise he isn't talking about my nightmares. He is referring to my recent confession of homosexuality.

"It's okay, I don't expect you to adjust straight away," I say. I don't expect me to ever adjust, though.

We make our way to the same hall as yesterday for debating after breakfast.

We are all split into groups. Frank and I are separated. Clarity is put in a group with Frank. I get stuck with Rose. She hasn't said anything yet. However, she does keep giving me knowing looks which makes me feel awkward.

A lawyer comes to help our group. There are about fifteen of us, a mixture of both Candor-borns and transfers from other factions. The lawyer mostly works with the transfers. The Erudite boy and girl are both very good. A lot of their arguments are based around intellectual facts. Our Candor arguments are generally based on the plain truth; these two people manage to educated guesses _based_ on the truth.

After half an hour or so, the lawyer decides that we should try a few one-on-one debates as a short practice exercise. He puts a Dauntless boy against a Candor girl, and it turns out that the boy is better than we would have expected from the Dauntless. I suspect that a lot of the transfers may have practiced secretly before they came here.

A few other short debates go by. After each one, we are given the chance to tell the initiates what they could improve on. The lawyer gives them tips as well.

"Emra, Rose," he says. "Why don't you two give it a try?"

Before I can say anything, Rose says excitedly, "I'd love to! May I choose the subject?"  
The lawyer nods. There's no reason she shouldn't.

Rose looks me in the eye.

"This house is against gay rights," she says.

He nods again. It's a pretty commonly debated subject.

"This should be easy for you to defend," Rose directs this comment at me. "Considering you are gay." I shiver internally.  
We start.

"If someone is gay then they are not following the Bible." The Bible? No one reads that nowadays. Our factions double as our religion. It's a weak argument. "In those ancient times, homosexuals were not considered human. In my opinion and many others', they still are not."  
Am I the only one that can see that she is being offensive?  
"Permission to speak?" I plead.

"Granted," she looks amused.

"Gay people are human. They're as human as you or I."  
""Gay people"? "They"? You're distancing yourself from them. If I'm not mistaken, you _are_ gay. You should feel passionate about this. You should have a defence argument that you can make up on the spot, because it's you we are talking about. Hell, if someone told me I didn't deserve rights I'd have an automatic defence for it. In fact, I don't believe you actually are gay. If you were, you wouldn't have kissed me last night."

This is getting out of hand. It isn't even a debate anymore. The only reason she did this was to publicise my lie.

"That's enough," the lawyer saves me. "Rose, continue the debate with Paz," he points to an Amity transfer who steps forward nervously.

He pulls me aside.

"Is that true?" he asks sternly.

"What?"  
"That you kissed Rose. Were you lying yesterday?" He must have been watching the confessions among the adults.

"Sort of," I mumble.

"I'm sorry," he sighs. "But this is very serious. I'm going to have to take you to Jack Kang for questioning."


	6. Chapter 6: You May Want to Avoid Bread

**Chapter 6: You May Want to Avoid the Bread**

I had to wait half an hour outside Jack Kang's office before he was ready to see me. As I waited, I quickly formulated an excuse that would hopefully work even if they gave me truth serum again. If I can make myself believe it, then I think I can fool the serum too.

After I decided what to do, the waiting made me more and more anxious.

When I am finally pushed into his office, I am terrified. There is a guard on either side of the door. At first I think it is so I cannot escape, but then I remember that he had an assassination attempt a few years back. Still, I'm not the murderer in my family.

He looks me up and down. I hope I look honest. He certainly does. He also looks worn out.

"Emra Veritine, is it?" he asks.

I nod.

"I hear that yesterday you lied after being injected with truth serum."  
I shake my head.

"You didn't?"

"When the serum entered my bloodstream, I suddenly felt really lightheaded. Lightheaded and happy and, well… "Gay" is another word for happy. I didn't really lie," I am glad now that I didn't give a name of a crush like Sarah did. I wouldn't have been able to cover it up like this if I had. I wonder if he can tell I'm lying now.

He looks upwards thoughtfully. I think he is starting to figure out what I am trying to imply.

"Is there any chance," he directs this at the guards, "That someone mixed up the peace serum and truth serum?"  
One of the guards shrugs; the other shakes then nods his head indecisively.

"They do look similar. It's happened before."

It has? That makes my idea even more convincing.

"I did notice that he was smiling more than most people who come out of the closet during their initiation."  
Both guards nod.

He turns back to me.

"I'm very sorry. Someone must have filled the syringe with peace serum instead of truth serum. Mixing up serum is a mistake that happens every few years. Thank God we didn't give you a fear landscape by accident like last time. That initiate was defiantly not Dauntless, and it took a very long time for him to go through his thirty eight fears."  
It takes me a second to realise that he is telling me this to lighten the mood. I laugh quickly.

He continues, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'm also sorry that you ended up saying something that may have given people the wrong impression of you."

Now I am genuinely happy. I feel safe. They think it was a Candor employee that messed up, not me that lied. They didn't even put me on truth serum.

"Since we are using truth serum on the remainder of the initiates tomorrow, we can give it to you then. We will double check that it is correct this time round."  
My heart sinks. That's why they didn't put me on truth serum. They're giving it to me tomorrow.

He smiles, and I think he really is trying to be friendly.

"We'll let you go first and get it over with."

I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to have to lie the biggest lie I can. It will save my mother. It will condemn me. But they won't find out that I'm Divergent.

"See you tomorrow," I say as brightly as possible.

**Author's Note: Sorry I've become so irregular with updates! How are you liking this fanfic so far?**


	7. Chapter 7: The Bullet Hit Him

**Chapter 7: The Bullet Hit Him in the Head**

_ I walk into the house after school. It is a normal day. I forgot my history homework but my teacher didn't punish me. We played baseball during the lunch break with some of the Amity students. I had a geography pop quiz in the afternoon. I got the bus as usual and walk from my stop to my house._

_ "I'm home!" I call, putting my keys in the bowl._

_ Mom is normally home from work when I get back from school. Today she does not answer my call._

_ "Mom?" I repeat, panic growing inside me. She usually leaves a note in the bowl of keys so I see it when I get home if she's going to be late._

_ "I'm here, Emra," I hear her voice. A wave of relief floods through me._

_I head in the direction of her voice._

"_Are you in the kitchen?" I yell._

"_Yes. Emra, don't come in. Please," she replies._

_I ignore her. She generally says this because her hair is messed up or because her contact has slipped and she's making weird faces to put it back in; I don't care about any of those things. She's my mom, for goodness sake. I push the door open and walk into the kitchen._

_There is a man on his knees in the kitchen. Mom is holding my gun to his head. This is not usual or normal._

_She has already pulled the trigger._

_ I yelp and jump forward, but I am too far away. I wouldn't have been able to do anything, anyway._

_ The man's head lurches away from my mother as though she hit him. He lies there, on the ground. Bleeding. Dead. The hole on the left of his head is seeping horribly coloured liquid. A mixture of red and gray._

_ I feel sick._

_ "I'm sorry you had to see that," my mother says._

_ I can't speak._

_ "I've wanted to do that for years. I didn't want it to happen like this but I took the first chance I got."  
I can't even hear her words._

_ "Help me hide it, please," she begs._

_ I shake my head._

_ "Do you realise who this was?"_  
I jerk awake. That dream was not so much scary because of its content. The dream was scary because it followed exactly what happened. It terrifies me that these events actually happened. I am sweating and breathing heavily. I kick the blankets off me. I notice that in my sleep I took my shirt off. I leave it off. I'll have to get dressed soon anyway.

I turn my wrist over to look at my watch. It says that the time is forty nine minutes past two.

I lean my head back and groan. This is a lot earlier than normal. Not for the first time, I miss my books. I'm not much of a reader, but at least I was given something to do in the hours before the world woke up.

I sneak over to the Erudite transfer's bed. He is on the bottom bunk, thank goodness. It would be so much harder if he was on the top. I slowly push my hand under his pillow. He shifts a little and I freeze. He rolls away from me and I relax again. As I suspected, there is a book under his pillow. I turn it over and see it is a really old book. _Really_ old. It's by Charlotte Brontë, and I know she died hundreds of years ago. I groan internally, but it's better than nothing.

I go back to my bed and read. A lot of it is confusing, and some parts are in ancient French, but I skip over these bits and manage to finish before anyone wakes up. I get the gist of it. It is based around the lies one of the characters tell; he lies that he isn't married and he lies about the crazy woman in the attic, claiming she isn't his wife. He gets found out, and everything goes downhill from there. I know my lies will ruin me also.

I am turning to the last page when Frank sticks his head over the side as usual.

"What are you reading?" he asks.  
I hold up the book so he can see the title as I finish.

"Did you start that today?" He gapes at the length. I nod.

I quietly go to replace it under the transfer's pillow.

"You must have been up for ages. Aren't you tired?" Frank asks.  
"No, I always go to bed early," I remind him.

Frank has relaxed a lot since yesterday when he found out I wasn't really gay.

"It's not that it's a bad thing," he'd had to quickly explain himself, "But it's just hard to get used to. If I found out you were a mass murderer, as long as you didn't kill me I'd be okay with it, but it would be hard to get used to."

Oh, why did he have to use the murderer analogy?

"You'd better get dressed," says Frank. "You're the first one getting "interrogated" this morning."  
All too soon I was on stage and having truth serum injected into me again.

I realise that I have a choice. The woman who gave me my aptitude test said that the Erudite would experiment on me if they found out I was Divergent. I would probably live. But I wouldn't be able to handle that. I'm far too squeamish. In fact, I'd rather die.

They give out the death penalty sometimes. Only for convicted murderers. Only if you're older than sixteen. I am sixteen.

"Is there anything you'd rather was kept hidden?" asks Jack Kang.

I take a deep breath. I can do this.

"Yes," I say.

Suddenly, I see my mother in the crowd. I lock eyes with her.

"Six months ago… I killed a man."  
Nobody claps.

"How?" asks Mr Kang.

"He was shot in the head with my gun." It is not a lie. It _was _my gun.

Two men come on stage and drag me down the steps. I don't struggle; I knew this would happen.

"Emra!" I hear my mother's voice shriek. I turn to see her shuffling along the row of people to get out of her seat. She runs towards me.

"Mrs Veritine, he has to be questioned."

"But… He's so young… His life is just beginning…"  
"I've thrown it all away now," I say to her.

She knows I don't mean by killing the man. She knows I mean by taking the blame for it.

I am dragged down a long corridor and slung into a cell. It is cold and dark, and I can't tell how long I'm there. I try to sleep, but every time I fall asleep I have a snippet of a memory that wakes me up hard.

All night I dream over and over again my mother's voice saying, "He is the man who killed your father."


	8. Chapter 8: Purpose of the Interrogation

**Chapter 8: One of the Purposes of This Interrogation is to Determine Your Loyalties**

The next morning, I am dragged into a small room with bare, white walls. I am not given any food; I have not eaten since breakfast yesterday. I am tired and hungry, and I am not sure I can handle being interrogated.

I am slung into a chair. It is more comfortable than the cold floor of the cell; I wonder if the guards realise that the chair has given me a little comfort.

A man walks into the room. He is stern looking, and he looks observant the way an Erudite is. He looks like he is in his late twenties, and he must have some authority because the two robotic guards leave when he nods for them to go. He is carrying a tray with bread and a glass of water on it.

He sits down in a chair across from me, setting the tray on the ground. He stares at me.

I stare back. His eyes look older than the rest of his face.

I start to feel awkward after a few minutes.

"What faction are you from?" he asks, suddenly.

"C – candor," I stutter.

"Is that what you got in the aptitude test?" his eyes never break away from mine. I nod. It isn't a total lie. It was what was officially recorded as my aptitude result.

"Do I have to put you on truth serum? I can tell you're lying."

"How can you tell?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"I am Inspector Traugott. I have different methods from other detectives and inspectors. All the time I was watching you when I first came in, I was memorising your neutral face. You weren't scared, you weren't happy, you weren't lying. It's one of the ways I can tell if you're telling the truth or not. Are you Erudite, really?"

I shake my head.

"Curiosity is an Erudite trait. But you don't look like you're lying. You do look a bit confused, though."

"I thought Jack Kang would be questioning me," I say.

"Don't you think he has better things to do than to talk to teenage murderers?"

I shrug. The way he looks me in the eye is very unnerving.

"You don't look like a murderer," Inspector Traugott says slowly.

I shrug. "I'm quite small."  
"That's not what I mean," he sighs. "There is always a look to the killers. They always have lost the glint in their eye; they are always terrified that someone will figure them out. There's also the way they act. You don't have any of that. You're digging yourself a deeper hole. What really happened?"  
I don't know what to say.

"Are you hungry?"  
The question takes me by surprise. I _am_ hungry. "Yes."  
Traugott reaches down and breaks off a bit of the bread. He hands it to me, probably to bribe me into giving him answers. I eat it anyway. He continues staring at me as I eat. It occurs to me that it may have some more of serum or drug in it, so when he offers me more I refuse it even though I am still hungry.

"Did you enjoy that?" Traugott asks.

"Yes, thank you," I say politely.

"As I say, you don't _act_ like a murderer. You're too polite. The lies seem to come easily, but the acting is harder for you. Say, did you lie while on truth serum?" he asks, point blank.

There's no point in covering it up. He knows. I wouldn't be surprised if he knows everything already and is just looking for confirmation. I nod and hang my head in shame.

"You know," he breaks his gaze for the first time and looks up thoughtfully. "I remember another young man who lied on truth serum. It was a little longer than ten years ago. He discovered he could resist any serum, but he concealed this talent and was never found out. He lived his life in peace, though it would have been easier if he hadn't chosen Candor."  
Is Traugott talking about himself?

"That man decided to help other people in his situation who were also struggling. Unfortunately, they did not always realise he was helping them."  
"All right then," I say, not really understanding.

"I'm going to ask you some questions. You can lie and say you killed this man, but if you are prepared to face the consequences then be my guest."  
I nod.

"What is the name of the man you killed?" asks Traugott.

"Andrew Hardy of the Dauntless faction." I have heard the name so many times, yet never said it myself. I've never had anything to say about him, and after he was killed I didn't want to say anything. Saying his name is like saying the name of a stranger or acquaintance.

"Did you have a reason?" he asks.

"He killed my father. Many years ago," I add.

"Yesterday you claimed that you shot him," Inspector Traugott says. "Your house was searched and the gun found. The gun had your fingerprints around the barrel, as if you had simply picked it up. Only your mother's fingerprints were found on the trigger. Can you explain this?"  
I quickly think of a cover story. "My mother didn't want people to be able to conclude it was me who killed him, so she tried to make it look like it was her for anyone who might have found the gun."  
"So your mother knew?" he raises his eyebrows.

I hesitate. The whole point of doing this is to hide my Divergence, but also to help my mother at the same time. There's no point in bringing her into this.

"Not really. She found out a month or two afterwards when she discovered that the barrel of the gun was missing some bullets. I'd already disposed of the body in the Dauntless sector of the city weeks earlier, so she played no role in the murder. She was just worried about me."  
Traugott nods. I'm not sure what he's nodding at.

"There is no fixed penalty for being able to manipulate truth serum," he says. "However, for murdering someone you will get the death penalty. Even if he killed your father. You will live if you tell the truth, athough there will be other consequences. That is how Candor works."

"I know," I say, indignantly. "I've been here all my life."  
He raises his eyebrows. "And you're sure that this is the story you are sticking with?"  
"Yes," I say. I must protect my mother.

He shakes his head.

"Fine. But you are going to get the death penalty."  
I nod. I have nothing to say. I knew this would happen.

"I'll see if I can do anything. I'll try to sort out the method of execution. Maybe give you something painless. Or maybe something else."  
Again, I cannot follow what he is talking about.

Inspector Traugott knocks on the door to the hall. There is a click of a lock, and a guard peeks in. Traugott explains the situation, or more likely, my fake story. The guard nods, and once again I am dragged and thrown into the cold cell.


	9. Chapter 9: Execution has Been Scheduled

**Chapter 9: Your Execution has Been Scheduled for Tomorrow Morning**

Suddenly, a light comes on. I am momentarily blinded and have to blink several times before I can see again.

When I look up, I see Rose.

Tears fill her eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't realise you were hiding something that important."  
Is she apologizing for blowing my cover?  
"It's okay," I reply. I stand up. I don't want to have to look up at her.

"No, it isn't!" she says, furiously. "You're going to be executed!" She's right. I'll be dead soon.

"I know. No need to remind me. Can I ask why you told everyone that I wasn't gay?"

Rose laughs, then stops herself. "Sorry. It sounded a little bit funny. I just… I just want to feel safe here. I hate the thought of a Candor member lying. It's a bit hypocritical, really, since I have a secret too. I'll tell you since I made you tell everyone yours." She leans in a little towards the bars to whisper. She narrows her eyes. "Why does this prison have bars? A thin person could easily escape. I thought we'd have progressed past something as simple as that nowadays to something more efficient." Rose seems to get easily get off track. Or maybe she doesn't. I don't think anyone at school has ever held a conversation with her for this long.

She rolls her eyes at the apparent absurdity. Then she leans in again and whispers, "In my aptitude test, I got an aptitude for two factions."  
Now it's my turn to laugh.  
"Why are you laughing?" she blushes.

"So you lied on the truth serum as well?" I ignore her question.

"What? No. Can people do that? I was told not to tell anyone about my results but I don't know why. But I'd rather everyone in the world knew that I had an aptitude for two factions than just a few people knew the age I lost my virginity. You hear what people say about me. They call me a "slut", "hooker", "whore", "easy"… The list goes on. They don't know my story. I was seduced by my neighbours' teenage son. That's the only time I've done "it". People at school heard about it a couple of years later… and you know the rest. I hate the bullying. I always have."  
"That's too bad," I say, lamely. We have never really talked, so I don't really know what to say to her.

"And now I'll be labelled as a whore _and_ a murderer. I'm not either, really."  
"How did you get in here?" I ask. "And why?"

She grins. "I'm part Erudite. It wasn't difficult to make up a convincing story for the guards."  
Rose is Erudite? None of us would have ever guessed.

"What was your other result? Candor?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "Amity."  
_Amity?_ There's a lot we did not know about Rose.

"I chose Candor because I like the truthfulness here. It's reliable. I didn't want anyone here to be lying. I guess that's why people lie; so they don't have to face the truth."

"You didn't answer my second question," I remind her. "Why did you come here?"

She sighs. "I came to say goodbye. When I came in I heard the guards saying that tomorrow morning you're going to be given something they called "death serum". They thought it was weird that the guy who interrogated you chose how you are going to be executed. Anyway, I felt awful knowing it was me who got you here. I couldn't let you die without giving you a farewell."  
"Wait," I say. "Did you say death serum?"  
Rose nods. "I'm so sorry." Her eyes fill with tears again, and she manages to hold back all but one which rolls down to her chin.

Death serum.

I can resist serum. Traugott organised for me to be killed on serum so I do not die if I try not to.

For the first time, I decide to look at Rose in a new light. She isn't just a girl in my class who "gets around a bit"; she is thoughtful and intelligent, and she values knowledge enough to get an aptitude for Erudite. Plus, she is a bearer of good news. I notice that she is wearing clothes she must have made herself. Clarity dragged Frank and I through many dull clothes stores looking for clothes that fit and were decent looking. Rose's sundress is very different and a lot nicer from anything we saw; Clarity would be jealous. The top part is black, and the skirt is striped horizontally, alternating between black and white. There is a small, white rose embroidered near her left shoulder. She seems shrouded in her rose-red hair; I suppose she uses it to hide herself sometimes. Her face, beyond the tears, looks kinder to me than I have ever seen it before.

An idea forms in my head.

"Rose, do you think you could get my body out?" I ask.

She looks surprised. "Excuse me?"

"After the execution," I say excitedly. "Can you make sure my body stays normal? Make sure they don't bury me or cremate me or anything like that? Can you get me to your house or something?"  
She looks a little scared. I wish I could explain, but unlike her I do not want to tell my secrets here, even if it appears there is no one around.

"Trust me," I say.

Rose shrugs.

"I guess so. I may cry though. Do you want your mother to get your body or something?"  
"Or something," I nod.

She sighs. "I have no idea what you're talking about. "  
"It'll all make sense tomorrow, I promise," I say, firmly.

She shrugs again. "If you say so."

Rose lifts her arm to look at her watch. It has a white strap and a black face.

"I have to go. I just came here during the lunch break. We have our last round of initiation now. More debating."

"Sure, I understand," I nod.

She puts her hand through the bars of my cell and puts her hand on my shoulder. "Goodbye."  
"Goodbye," I reply.

Rose walks back along the corridor where she came from. She turns back and looks at me sadly, maybe apologetically. Then she keeps walking, and swiftly she is gone.

"Thank you so much, Rose," I whisper.

I do not mind waiting for my execution now.


	10. Chapter 10: I Don't Want to Die

**Chapter 10: I Don't Want to Die I Don't Want To**

I wait for morning to arrive. I have got quite good at waiting; I have waited outside Jack Kang's office, waited to be interrogated, and, many times, waited in this cell for whatever is going to happen to happen.

Each one of these times, I have spent the majority of the time hoping that I'll be all right.

This one is no different. Although I think I will survive, although I think Rose will save me, what if it doesn't work? What if I do die? What if I do not die, but Rose does not remove me so I am shot upon escaping?  
I try to push these thoughts out of my mind. As a Candor member since birth, I have been discouraged from speculating about what could happen, since it is not the immediate truth. Reading is also not encouraged, but not really discouraged in the same way that speculation is. I have never been very good at stopping myself from doing either; maybe I would have been better off in Abnegation after all. Maybe I would have been safer there, like the woman who gave me my aptitude test suggested.

In what I assume is the morning, I am waken from my half-conscious state by a chunk of bread hitting my face.

"It'd be bad to be executed on an empty stomach," the guard who threw the bread smirks. I am glad when he leaves. I eat the bread hungrily.

After an hour or so, I am escorted into a room not unlike the one Traugott questioned me in. This room is less bare; it has cabinets and drawers, and a few more seats. Jack Kang is sitting in one, and there are three more people who look like doctors. They are dressed in blue, so I assume they are from Erudite.

I am strapped into a big chair in the middle. One of the doctors pushes a button, and the chair leans back so I am lying down.

"Are you ready, Emra Veritine?" Jack Kang asks sternly.

I shrug. ""To die will be an awfully big adventure.""  
He narrows his eyes. I am supposed to be discreet about my morning reading, and shouldn't quote books if I can help it. He probably thinks I don't care now, since I'm supposed to die.

"It shouldn't hurt, so don't worry," he continues.

"How do you know?" I ask. "Has anybody told you what it's like after they were executed?"  
My question is ignored.

Another of the doctors picks up a syringe from a table behind him. I try to relax; I have heard that if you tense up before an injection it is more painful to press the needle in.

I feel as the syringe is injected into my wrist.

I must fight the serum.

I close my eyes. I remember what it is like to live. I remember how it feels to laugh and cry. How it feels to finally be able to ride a bicycle, or be able to use a swing without being pushed. I remember how I felt when my father died. I remember how I felt when my cousin was born. When I remember I try to make it all feel so immediate and real, even though some of it happened a long time ago. For a second I feel myself slipping away, but I hold on tightly. I don't want to leave the world yet if I can help it.

Suddenly I feel relaxed. As if I don't have to fight anymore.

But Jack Kang was wrong: it does hurt.

**Author's Note: I've been super irregular with updating, I'm really sorry about that! There's been a lot going on but I'm hoping that I'll be able to post more now.**


	11. Chapter 11: Then the Heart Monitor Stops

**Author's Note: If you saw my previous Chapter 11, you might have been kinda confused because I'd skipped a ton. That was a huge mistake: I've number the chapters in a weird way for some reason, so I actually posted Chapter 12. Here is the real 11th chapter: I hope you like it!**

**Chapter 11: Then the Heart Monitor Stops Beeping**

I can only see darkness. I am freezing cold.

Several things occur to me

I could be dead. If I am dead, I wish I'd known how dull it would be.

I could be in a drugged state. Thus, I am alive but not truly conscious. Alive is good. I don't understand how I can be thinking though, if I am asleep in some way.

The last eventuality is that I am alive and have resisted the serum. While I very much want this to be the case, I can't believe that it could be that simple. It does seem the most likely scenario, though.

I am about to try moving my fingers to see if I am alive, when I realise that I should not move. If I move, it will be a giveaway. At first I think it will be difficult to stay still without being tense, but it isn't. In fact, I cannot move.

I feel a hand on my wrist.

"The pulse has stopped."

_This is it,_ I think. _I'm dead. Properly dead._

What terrifies me most is that I can still think and feel. I didn't think being dead meant your mind could function but your body couldn't. I thought it would be like being asleep. Maybe you could have a dream at most, but not think consciously.

"Send the body to the crematorium," I recognise Jack Kang's voice.

No!  
Fear bubbles up inside of me as I feel myself be unstrapped from the chair.

I hear door burst open and loud sobbing fills the room.

"He doesn't deserve this," I recognise Rose through her sobs.

"It is already done," says Jack Kang softly, kindly. Like he has never spoken to me.

"He had one last request," Rose says.

"How would you know that?" asks an unfamiliar voice who I belongs to a doctor.

"I read… something Emra wrote when he was in school," Rose quickly improvises. "He wrote that if he died before his mother, he wanted to be buried in his yard next to his father. Please let me take him."

I wonder if they will believe her. My father is not buried there.

There is a short moment of silence.

"I don't see why he shouldn't be," Jack Kang says.

This makes me feel relieved. I still cannot tell if I am dead or not. I do not think I am; I can feel too much. Thinking is one thing, but feeling and hearing? I don't think that's what being dead is like.

"How are you planning on carrying him?" asks a second unfamiliar voice.

Rose hesitates. It hadn't occurred to me that she was going to have to remove me herself or I would have thought of a solution, or asked her to think of one.

"I'll tell Inspector Traugott to drive him to his house. He has a car. You may go with him if you wish, although I do not understand why you would want to travel with a dead classmate," I hear the soft windy sound of someone's head nodding at Jack Kang's words.

"We were very close friends," Rose says.

I hear a beeping noise as someone dials a number on a phone.

"Inspector? No, but it is not a normal job for you this time. More of an errand." A pause. "Yes, I do understand that this is a waste of time, but you are the only one available at the moment who can drive, and Mr Kang requested it. Yes." There is another pause as Traugott says something I cannot hear. "Please come by the execution room in a minute of two." There is a click, which I assume is the caller hanging up.

"You can sit down while we're waiting…" I hear a voice addressing Rose.  
"I'll stand, thanks," she says, boldly. I wonder if she is still crying or if she has tear stains down her face. She probably does.

There is an awkward silence for a few minutes while they, and I, wait for Traugott to arrive. I cannot see anyone, but judging by the sound (of which there is none), I assume they are picking at their fingernails, and looking at their watches, and generally being bored.  
There is a knock on the door.

Jack Kang says, "I will assign a guard to drive behind you so it is not suspicious to be travelling with a deceased body."

I hear and feel shuffling as I am lifted up from the chair.

"Thank you for this, it means a lot," chokes Rose.

"You are very welcome. Goodbye," Jack Kang replies. "Stay truthful."

It is only now that I realise why they believe Rose. Almost everyone here is Candor; you would barely even think to doubt anybody.  
Yet Traugott has been lying to them for years. What a stroke of luck he is the one taking me home; he is the one that saved me, if indeed I am still alive.

The most truthful place there is is littered with lies.


End file.
